If you want to take one thing from this article, please consider this — nothing is more important or meaningful than bringing up emotionally whole and healthy, happy children. Children are the most precious gifts we can receive, let us as adults do the best we can by them. Toggle Main Navigation Main Navigation. Classrooms and Schedules Curriculum Enrollment and Fees. How you respond to their needs, to their requests, and to their attempts to grow tell your children what you think of them.
You can be aware of letting them know you love them see below for details , that you willingly will meet their needs, that you believe in them, and that you are excited to see them grow and explore and mature. Another important way to develop self-esteem in children is to create a dependable, trustworthy relationship with your children in which they feel safe, accepted, and cherished. Having this model in their minds gives them the courage to take risks, grow, and explore the world, knowing that if they run into trouble, they have that relationship with you to come back to.
Your 2 year-old wanders to the other side of the room, but comes back to you to literally touch base. Your 13 year-old is being excluded from her social circle by some of the girls, and she feels safe enough to talk to you about it. Your college-age student is able to go away to school because she knows that you will let her come home to visit touch base when she needs to and that she can keep in touch electronically as much as she needs to.
There are two different kinds of messages that we can communicate to children that will directly help to support their self-esteem. Just as a ladder needs its two legs in order to be strong and stable, you need to provide both Being and Doing Messages for your children to have a strong internal foundation. This refers to the lovable part of the self-esteem equation.
They communicate unconditional love. It is valuing our children for who they are and embracing all of the things that make them unique, even some of the traits that make them challenging to raise. It is one of the ways we let them know we cherish them. We can also convey Being Messages through our actions, such as a hug, sitting next to them, giving a back rub, smiling when they enter a room, or giving them the greatest gift — our time and positive attention.
All of these words and actions tell our children that we consider them a joy, not a burden, and that they are worthy of being loved. Over-doing the Being Messages can cause children to become self-centered, demanding, entitled, without an effective work ethic which would help them realize they need to put forth effort to achieve a goal. Being Messages need to be balanced with the Doing Messages,. This speaks to the capable part of the self-esteem equation.
Feeling competent leads to people feeling good about themselves. These messages refer to all the things our children can do, their special areas of talent, and also to their potential and their growth. Doing messages change as children mature and as they work on different areas of development. For example, you might comment on a 3 year-old learning to use the potty, but you would not make mention when a 6 year-old goes to the bathroom by himself, if he has long ago mastered that task.
You might comment on a complicated lego structure that a 6 year- old built. And you might enthusiastically highlight how well a high school student organized a school report he was working on. Overdoing the Doing Messages, without balancing them with enough Being Messages, might result in a child who does not feel worthy or lovable if he is not achieving, feels the need to be a perfectionist, and who feels empty and insatiable inside, as if he can never get enough love.
When you see a child doing something that you want to encourage, praise it! If they do not get attention from positive behavior, they will seek out negative attention. So acknowledge and praise the behaviors you want to see repeated. But believe it or not, there are more or less effective ways to praise. To have your message really get through to your children and have them take it in, praise should be:. It should match the situation.
Children can sense false praise and it can cause them to discount what you say and even to doubt themselves. Affirmations are specific types of praise that give children encouragement and let them know that you support them, believe in them and in their ability to grow and become competent.
This is a way you can cheer your children on in life. I just loved listening to you play it. Great sharing — well done! Here are some ideas: Give your child balanced feedback. Explain that losing is a part of life.
Play simple board games or card games together. Turn-taking games like these help your child learn how to play cooperatively and get along with others. This can give your child skills and confidence in social situations. Encourage your child to help you with household chores — for example, setting the table or putting away laundry.
This shows your child that you trust them with responsibility, which helps your child feel good about themselves. Show interest in the things that interest your child. Children and young people with low self-esteem are more at risk of developing depression, anxiety, self-harming and other mental health problems as they grow up, and will often find the ups and downs of life in general harder to get through. Most children and young people will have dips in self-esteem as they go through different stages and challenges.
In conclusion, having healthy self-esteem helps children in many areas of their life. They have the courage to try new things, like making new friends. Our next blog post will look at how we can help children and young people to develop healthy self-esteem.
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